Friday, January 8, 2010

Day One Curse Strikes Again... or does it?


First off, let me just apologize for my long absence from the blog scene lately. I can blame it on the holidays, right? Those pesky holidays, taking me away from what I should really be doing: bitching over the internet to my imaginary friends. 


Speaking of the holidays, mine were great, thank you very much. Christmas is all about children, right? So instead of staying home, staring at my tree and wishing my dog was a baby that I could dress up and plop on Santa's lap, the hubby, my mom, and I travelled to a far off land to spend with a real, live kid: my 5-year old nephew in Texas. (It was just a lucky coincidence that this also involved visiting my sis and bro-in-law). We had a blast watching the Nutcracker, tearing open presents, decorating a gingerbread house... and then dropping a gingerbread house ass-end up on the living room rug. I guess booze + loud Christmas carols + dancing around stoopidly while carrying said gingerbread house to the fridge = minor yuletide disaster. Mental note taken and filed away for next year. 


New Year's Eve was equally memorable. We spent it frolicking in the snow at our friend's home in Lake Tahoe, one of my favorite places on earth. So what if 2 of the 3 women staying with us were pregnant, more champagne for me, right? I'm still patting myself on the back for surviving the pre-natal yoga class we all went to on new years day. Maybe I was still drunk, because I actually—are you ready for this?—enjoyed it. I feel like I've turned a corner, folks. I'm actually happy to be around pregnant women. Not like I'm some weirdo stalker who follows them around on the street or anything. It's just that, if I actually want to be one someday, maybe I shouldn't avoid them like the plague, ya know? I recently finished reading Pulling Down the Moon, and it's all natural-yoga-acupuncture-meditate-your-way-to-pregnancy type stuff, which I'm really down with, don't get me wrong. It's just hard sometimes to walk the walk and not just talk the talk. So one of my new years resolutions is to just let it go.... the jealousy, the heartache, the need to control. And to just BE HAPPY. That's what my grandma Caroline always said, BE HAPPY. Of course, she gave birth to 13 babies. Go figure...     


Anywho.... I wanted to tell you all it's cycle day 1, and you know what that means... some random friend is sure to pop out of the woodwork and announce her pregnancy. (I really do have special powers in this category as evidenced here and here.) I honestly thought there were no girlfriends left. Then I had to go and email an old work colleague. I know, I asked for it, and lo and behold she's five months preggars. But you know what? I wasn't even sad. Ok, I felt about a nanosecond's worth of a jealous twinge, but then... just happy. Happy because another beautiful, innocent baby is soon to enter the world. Happy because my friend is excited beyond belief about the imminent miracle to enter her life. Happy that it is happening to someone, somewhere. Happy that these pregnant women seem to be circling around me; slowly closing in until the baby dust finally settles my way.


And happy that, for once, I just might have a new year's resolution worth keeping.

7 comments:

Kathryn said...

I'm happy to read that you seem to be managing well & had a lovely Christmas.

I'm still struggling with this, & i found Christmas to be very hard because right or wrong, Christmas does seem to be "for the children" & we have none in our lives. But, i'm older than you as well, & our chance at a child is near non-existent.

Don't mean to be a downer. Guess what i mean to say is that i admire your resilience & attitude & wish i could find my way to a similar spot.

womb for improvement said...

That is some gift and one day your supposed cd 1 will be scuppered by your own pregnancy.

Random Chick said...

Whoa! You are starting to turn into some kind of infertility zen master. Seriously. You are a beacon of hope for all those women struggling with the emotional side of infertility. I'm honored to know you and see the amazing growth you have made in dealing with your struggles. I'm constantly struck by how you always come out with more optimism and more insight.

You are TRULY AMAZING!!! And I will tell you this OVER and OVER. You need to share your story with a wider audience who desperately need to hear about your struggles and triumphs because SO many of these women feel so alone. You have so much wisdom to share...

That baby dust is starting to pile up and it's gotta work a miracle some time soon. I just know it.

XOXOXO
RC

Krissi said...

Good for you for staying positive!! I've been through 6 IVF cycles and now I have my family. Thought you might like to pop by my blog: http://stressfreeinfertilityblog.com Good luck with your cycle!

Burkey0906 said...

I have nominated you for the Beautiful Blogger Award! To receive it please visit
http://infertilityandme.wordpress.com/ and copy the award and follow the instructions posted on my page. Congratulations!

3d電影 said...

最豐滿最好之稻穗,便最貼近地面........................................

iamstacey said...

I hear ya, I took a bit of a break over the holidays myself for a much needed emotional and mental TTC break. It's good to be back on the wagon, but the wine over the holidays was really good, too. :)