Wednesday, October 21, 2009

"Mom" is another word for Love

Life has been so crazy for me lately, I haven't paid much attention to the poor little blog. And now, woah... ICLW is here. Now I know you all aren't exactly waiting around with baited breath to read what WannabeMommy has to say, but it is about time I wrote something for the 1.5 people out there who might care. 

So this post may take a bit of a departure from the same old fertility blah-blah-blah. This post is about my mom. She has been suffering from a condition called atrial flutter/fibrilation, where her heart suddently and out of the blue races at more than double the normal rate, for the better part of a year. Her home is about one and a half hours away from mine, and I'm pretty much the only close family member she has around the area. I worry about her a lot, as she is 72 now and dealing with this worsening heart condition. In the last 3 weeks alone she has visited the ER 3 times. And on top of that she takes care of my severely disabled brother. He can't walk, talk, go to the bathroom, or eat on his own. My mom takes care of every basic human need for him. Or at least she did until last week.

Last Thursday, I was sitting at my desk in my office doing the usual (probably reading blogs) when I got a very distressing call from my mom. In a weak and warbly voice, she told me her heart was racing uncontrollably; that she thought this one was "it" and she "wasn't going to make it". I of course panicked; my mom isn't one to be overly dramatic so I took the call very seriously. But unfortunately, there isn't much you can do when you're an hour and a half away.

She managed to call 911 and have the ambulance rush her to the hospital. Frantically, I bolted to her side as fast as I could, and met her in the ER. She was very glad and relieved  to see me, but I could tell this time was serious. She held my hand and told me that she remembered the day I was born, that she was indeed there when it happened. I stared into her eyes and noticed there was something different about them; a peacefulness amid the chaos. It scared the shit out of me, but I tried desperately not to show it. Three hours later, she was moved to a different hospital and whisked into surgery—a procedure called catheter ablation. Thankfully, it was deemed a success, and mom is now living at my house, recuperating until we figure out what's next. 

Meanwhile, with my mom's frail health, it finally became apparent that she could no longer care for my brother. He is now living in a care home with 13 other disabled people and a full staff. I worry about him a lot now, too. Is he scared? Is he eating? Will he be happy there? These are all questions I slowly tried to answer for myself as I traded visits between his new home and my mother's hospital room. I think they are both taking it one day at a time.

Needless to say, this craziness has left me little time to obsess about my fertility, and maybe that's the silver lining here. I can't imagine getting pregnant without having my mom around to share in the joy, the planning, the shopping, the excitement, and the worry. It has crossed my mind a few times that maybe my IVF failed for a higher reason; maybe right now it's time to focus on Mom. So that's what I'm going to do. 

That, and maybe a little frenetic, obscure blogging on the side.


Suzy said...

So sorry about your Mom. I'm glad you're close enough to be able to rush to her side.

Hope her recovery goes well!


Andie said...

So sorry to hear about your Mom. It's great you can be there for her.


C said...

Wow! You have a lot going on in your life. I'll definitely keep your family in my thoughts and prayers. Wishing your mom a favorable recovery and a peaceful settling in period for your brother.

Bethany said...

I am really sorry about your mother and I hope your brother adjusts well. I know it must be very hard for him and for you. Your family is lucky to have you.
OH...and the word verification for this is "pressure". How appropriate!

Anonymous said...

I cannot believe you've been through all of that within days. Maybe things do happen for a reason, even if the reason is F&%ed! One day at a time, my dear. If you need me, you know I'm here!

Melissa G said...

Gosh, I am so sorry to hear about your Mom. But it's nice to hear that everything went well and that she is now resting comfortably, and close by. It's so wonderful that you can be with her. I also hope things go well with your brother.

I'll keep you all in my prayers.

Saige said...

I want to say so many things to you right now. My heart is totally going out to you. I am so sorry to hear about your mom. I hope and pray that she recovers quickly and is as good as new. I am sure it is hard on all of you. Your poor brother. I hope he is adjusting well, that he is well cared for, and that he isn't scared and is eating. I can only imagine what turmoil your family is in right now.

I am sad to hear you IVF failed. On top of everything else.

I also wanted to thank you for the very sweet comment you left on my blog. I was very touched.

And finally, I wanted to say that your blog header made me laugh. Is that really you with your face bleeped out? The HPT with the WTF made me laugh even more. You have got a wonderful sense of humor!

I wish you all the best as you and your family recover from the craziness of late. You will be in my prayers.


Anonymous said...

Wow! So sorry to hear you're having to go through all this, but it sounds like you have your head screwed on right and are prioritizing correctly! I used to work with mentally and developmentally disabled people in group homes and apartments, and I will tell you that I'm sure the people taking care of your precious brother are doing a great job! Many of them REALLY love what they do, and you can see it in their work ethic.

I pray everything goes smoothly with your mom from here on out. I hope she gets to be with you when you do finally get your BFP!

Anonymous said...

So sorry to hear about you mom. I hope she recovers soon, and your brother settles well into his new home.

Fran said...

I can well understand the scare and the feeling of being totally powerless. I'm so srry for the difficult situation you are dealing with at the moment, thank you for finding the time to post on my blog, really appreciated. Much love, Fran (ICLW)

Mrs. Gamgee said...

I am so sorry that you and your family are going through such a crazy and emotionally draining time. I hope (and pray) that your mom recoverys quickly and completely, and that your brother is able to settle into his new home.


daega99 said...

Many hugs to you. I know that feeling having had many thoughts about my mom over the last week. I hope your mom has a quick recovery!

Erika said...

My goodness, you sure are strong! It is amazing the curveballs life throws us. I hope everything works out for the best!

I had a laprascopy when I was 18 before I got married. That was 7 years ago. I had mild endo and until this year life has been pretty pain free. Good luck moving forward!

Eileen said...

I will keep your mom in my prayers. I hope in all of this you manage to somehow take some time for yourself too.


Dawn said...

I am so sorry you are having to deal with so much right now. I hope your mom and brother are both doing better. Glad to hear you can still find a silver lining to all this! My mom just moved near me and I am loving having her closer.

Creating a Family

Anonymous said...

Omg, what an awful scare. I'm so sorry about your mom, but so glad she's doing ok now! I hope your brother is adjusting and is even happy in his new situation.
My thoughts are with you!

Anonymous said...

Omg, what an awful scare. I'm so sorry about your mom, but so glad she's doing ok now! I hope your brother is adjusting and is even happy in his new situation.
My thoughts are with you!

J.W. said...

Your strength is admirable. My prayers are with you, your mom, your brother and all your family now. You have a lot of blog readers that are sending positive thoughts your way.