Thursday, October 1, 2009

Grieving


When I got my news, I couldn't wait to get off the phone with that goddamn nurse and cry my eyes out. She blabbed on for what seemed to be hours as my face slowly turned red and my eyes welled up. The second thing I did, after bawling like a child, was call my husband. His initial reaction was to yell "FUCK!!!!" as loud as I've ever heard him say it. 


I drag through the next day like some kind of zombie on downers. That evening, I race home as fast as I can to commence another session of unabashed wailing. My husband gets home and proceeds to slam every door, yell at the dog, and otherwise just act very pissed off. 


We grieve very differently. We are a sad, mad, sorry mess-of-a-couple.

16 comments:

Mich said...

Thanks for visiting my site - I should have mentioned that Dirk is my husband.

Grieving is a very different and personal emotion - I clean - Dirk gets quite. I cry later - Dirk swears later.

Hang in there - we will have a happy ending - just you wait!!

Dirk said...

True. I want to lay on the bed and cuddle in silence. She wants to be busy. Whatever works for your.

J.W. said...

My heart is hurting for you. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Melissa G said...

"Unabashed wailing" .... I've so been there.

Again. I'm so sorry.

Circus Princess said...

Sending a big hug, a box of tissue, a set of ear plugs and a boxing bag for your hubbie.

Burkey0906 said...

Sorry to hear your news, I'm thinking of you both and can only imagine your hurt and disappointment.

Kathryn said...

:(

So, so sorry that you are going thru this.

My prayer is that you will have joy for your mourning, but that doesn't help much now.

lowfatlady said...

*hugs* I'm sorry. I hope that you are able to grieve the way you need to and stay busy.

Lookingforaplussign said...

I am so sorry. ((hugs))

iamstacey said...

I just found your blog. I'm so sorry. I hurt for and with you.

womb for improvement said...

I'm sorry. And I have been there with trying to end conversations so you can let it all out so often.

take care.

awomanmyage said...

Yeah, I've been there. It's like a slap in the face, you can't trust your body, you can't trust your judgment, you just want to KNOW that feeling so badly, you want your happy ending you so richly deserve. You did everything right, you followed the steps, you listened to the pros, you hoped, prayed and had beautiful positive thoughts. And then some stranger tells you, "no not this time". Like it's a $1 lotto ticket you just bought at the corner store. I hear you, sister, please take some time to just hold your hubby.

Random Chick said...

It's good that you are writing about it and getting it out. I'm so glad that you have so much support here and in your life.

You and your husband are both such good people. Just hold onto each other and you'll make it through this.

XOXOXOXO

addingtothepack said...

I'm so sorry. My heart aches for you and the pain that is evident in your postings.

Melissa G said...

Just wanted to let you know I'm still thinking of you.

When you get a chance there's an award that I'd like you to have waiting on my blog.

If you ever need to talk, feel free to email me. Bloggyme027@gmail.com

Big Hugs.

daega99 said...

Many hugs to you...

When we got our BFN last month I also was the wailer while my husband wouldn't allow himself to react. It was not a very healthy time for us. Thankfully we were able to get away for a little while to reconnect and plan for the next cycle - which is quite a ways away at present.