Friday, September 18, 2009

All good things come in threes.

On Tuesday I had 3 lively, perfect little embryos deposited into my uterus. I picture them there now, bouncing off of each other, their cells multiplying like crazy, deciding exactly where the perfect spot in my womb is to nestle in for a nice 9-month long stay. 

So of course, these last few days (weeks?) I've been a little preoccupied. The hardest part of this process, by far, is learning how to stay present—how not to fall down That Black Hole of worry located in my mind. That Black Hole was bad before, but now it's like a super-charged magnetic vortex. If I even so much as glance toward it, it takes that as an open invitation to grab me by the shirt collar and drag me down into it's dark, bottomless core.

I've done everything imaginable to elude That Black Hole: meditate, sing, pray, go to church, lay in the grass and stare at the sky, snuggle my dog, listen to classical music, watch funny movies, go to the acupuncturist, walk in nature. I'm running out of ideas. Normally, I'd just drink massive amounts of red wine. My R.E. doesn't think that's the wisest of choices right now.

My husband and I diffuse the seriousness of the situation by coming up with silly names for the 3 embies. He likes Larry, Curly, and Mo or The Three Musketeers. I just call them "Em", "Bree", and "Yo". (We're wildly creative, aren't we?) I've put their picture in a little frame beside my bed, and the other night, I fell asleep gazing at the photo perched atop my chest. That night, oddly enough, I had 3 dreams:

*** Cue the harp music ***

In the first dream, I was wading in a river. I looked up river, and saw Bette Midler standing in the water singing God is Watching Us. ("God is waaatching uuuuus..... God is waaaatching uuuus.... God is watching uuuus... from a distaaaaance"). Suddenly, a huge tidal wave flowed downstream and engulfed Bette. All I could see is a big tuft of blonde curls consumed in the gush. I, luckily, managed to grab onto a tree. Out of nowhere a big hand reached over and helped me to safety.

In the second dream, I was camping with my husband and some unknown ex-girlfriend of his. The 3 of us stayed together in a cabin with one bed. Next thing I know, my husband is naked in bed with the ex-girlfriend, as I sit at the end of the bed watching my husband initiate his affair. I'm understandably devastated, and the two of them carry on as though I'm not even there.

In the third dream, I'm sitting quietly. A voice (God?) tells me not to worry, that I'm already pregnant, and that the 2 additional embryos are just there "to make sure". Suddenly, I'm sitting there cuddling a newborn baby girl.

What does it all mean? Well, I'll tell you what I think. I've always thought that Bette Midler song was a little ridiculous. I mean, I believe that God is RIGHT HERE, that there is no "distance", as symbolized by the hand right beside me that saved my life. And he isn't necessarily "watching us". He's in our hearts, he's all around us; we just don't always realize it because it's covered by all the bullshit and worry our minds conjure up (like the irrational fear that my husband would cheat on me). 

And the third dream? Well, no crazy symbolism there. I just choose to believe it's gonna come true.


Dirk said...

Nice looking embryos. We have three we are waiting for a result on as well. Good luck.

Kathryn said...

Best wishes & lots of prayers & hugs.


Posh Totty said...

Lots of love, luck and positve vibes coming your way Xxxx

Anonymous said...

My fingers are crossed for you. I like the name you came up with, it's cute and creative. Crazy dreams usually mean it worked. Good luck!

Melissa G said...

Hey there! I'm returning the bay area love. =)

Those are some very lovely embies you have there. I hope you're right about the number three being good luck. I'm on my third IUI.

Here's to both of our BFP's in the VERY near future.

womb for improvement said...

They are good looking embryos.

Deanna said...

Sending warm thoughts and lots of prayers your way. What a wonderful post for ICLW. Thanks for stopping by my blog today.

Andie said...


Thanks for visiting my blog, I am returning the ICLW love! :)

Good luck for the TWW, oh the torture. I love the embryo names.

BTW I responded to your question on my post, the short answer is that yes, prednisone can suppress NK cells.

Good luck!

Anonymous said...

I hope the 3rd dream is reality!! Good luck!

Happy ICLW

Anonymous said...

Whoa! Your dreams are telling you that everything is gonna be alright...even if Better Midler shows up.

Take it one minute at a time. You're doing all the right stuff and the universe will respond.

Peace, love, and health to you, your hubby, and "Em", "Bree", and "Yo."


Mrz. Hannah Myhre said...

Hey there:) Thanks for the very sweet comment!!! You have some Great looking Embryo's yourself!!

Praying for them to keep growing.. Be healthy.. And STICK!!!


Jacksmom said...

Happy ICLW!!! I remember that heinous tww! I hope that you get at LEAST one sticky embie out of the 3! Good luck!

Flutterby918 said...

I hope this cycle is it for you! I love the symbolism of dreams 1 and 3. GL on your journey!!

Happy ICLW!

Busted Tube said...

Oh, I wish you such good luck with your beautiful embryos!
One of my first symptoms were crazy, memorable dreams, I hope that this is it for you!

Thanks for stopping by my blog, I guess we all need reminders to distract our minds from the dark places from time to time, eh?

Kristin said...

Beautiful embryos. I vote for the Three Musketeers nickname but actually use their names - Athos, Porthos, and Aramis. Good luck!


Gabby said...

oooh! i can't wait to know if your dreams come true!!! i hope the last one.. oh, i really really hope this for you! i will keep reading. please update us.. how are you surviving the two week wait? it's almost over, isn't it?

Circus Princess said...

Yes, true dream for sure. The last one I mean. Glad I found your blog, love the read. Best of luck with your three musketeers!

Lisa RM said...

Lots of luck!!

Lynn said...

The embryos look great! Sending lots of prayers up for at least one to stick!

I like your dream analysis and I think you're exactly right! So get ready to cuddle that baby in a few months time!


FET Accompli said...

What beautiful embryos! I am not sure what the dreams mean - the 2ww does funny things to us. Sending hugs.

Jaymee said...

beautiful embryos. sending you tons of sticky thoughts.


Kari said...

Thanks for visiting my blog!! Good luck and I'm sending you positive sticky vibes!!


April said...

Lots of luck!!


Suzy said...

Hoping for pink lines for you at the end of your 2ww!

Journey Girl said...

Good luck on your 2ww and hopefully the third dream was a prophetic one - good luck!

Anonymous said...

Sending you tons of luck!

Life Happens said...

Love the nicknames! Good luck!! I hope you get a BFP!!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog. I am assuming that you know one way or the other by now. I hope you are quietly celebrating success.