Thursday, January 15, 2009

POF... WTF?!

...(Before I begin, apologies to anyone out there reading, for being so absent these last *gulp* three months. A steady blogger I am not.)

So I've been giving a lot of added thought lately to my "diagnosis". And by diagnosis, I mean the off-handed comment that my R.E. gave me 1 1/2 years ago before quickly hanging up after our post-IVF follow-up call. "Looks to me like you have Premature Ovarian Failure." Well, thanks and good-bye to you, too, buck-o! What exactly do they do to teach bedside manner in medical school, anyway? I think Dr. Z missed that lecture. But I digress.

Premature Ovarian Failure, or POF, is described as a stop in the normal functioning of the ovaries in a woman younger than age 40. It's kind of like premature menopause... but it isn't, because women with POF do still occasionally ovulate and have periods. And there is no known cause. Or cure. WTF?!

Turns out I fit perfectly into the description of someone with POF. Short, irregular periods. A sudden stopping of ovulation. POF is more common in women with auto-immune conditions, such as thyroiditis (like me). And POF puts you at greater risk of developing more serious ailments, such as osteoporosis, Addison's disease, even Parkinson's. As if I didn't have enough to worry about.

So, like a lot of things connected with my sub-fertility, I responded by obsessively googling all I can about it, only to get very depressed after hours of reading crappy statistics offering little hope. But I put a stop to it this time. Because every freaking website seems to say the same thing. And being labeled with any condition with the word "failure" in it's title is like a kick in the crotch every time you see it.

So I can't do anything about my POF. Or can I? I might be oversimplifying things, but I think all I need to know about this condition is this: It's autoimmune related. And what is any autoimmune disease, but an attack on your body by your body. An internal physical self-loathing, if you will. So I resolve to do the following: 1) Stop reading the stupid medical websites, and 2) Love my body more.

Anybody see the thing in What the Bleep about the Japanese scientist who did the study on water? A quirky movie, yes, but this experiment is worth some attention. Apparently he discovered that you can literally change the make-up of water by focusing positive thoughts on it, such as "love" or "gratitude". The proof was shown in the microscopic pictures of the ice crystals which formed from said water. The crystals from the "love" water formed beautiful, intricate patterns like snowflakes. The crystals from the untreated water, or water that was labeled with words like "hate" or "ugly" formed disjointed, chaotic patterns. The theory distilled from this study in the movie is this: since our bodies are about 90% water, what are the possible outcomes from the thoughts we place upon it?

I admit, as a woman living in this age, "loving your body" is easier said then done. But I'm giving it a try. A real, give-it-all-I've-got kind of try. It's all I can do. We'll see what happens.


Anonymous said...

Whoa! Talk about making your dream a reality...I am so impressed! Girl, you know I'm here for you and I'll be sending "body love" vibes your way (okay, that didn't come out right). You know what I mean!

And you are so not POF!! With an attitude like yours, you can walk into Dr. Z's office when you're pregnant and tell him to "F*ck Off!"

Ha ha ha ha!!!

WannabeMommy said...

Thanks, RC! I know you've always got my back :-)

Patrice aka Infertility Warrior said...

RE doctors should all have to LIVE with a house of infertile women for 3 or 6 months. That would be sensitivity bootcamp. Most of these guys could use it!

I did see the What The Bleep Do We Know and that was a remarkable part about the water. Everything is worth a shot and if it is inexpensive and will make you feel better overall - bonus!

Andrea said...

Ugh...I was also shocked at the way I was delivered the POF news. My RE's nurse (who isn't the brightest) called mae and said, "looks like your bodies in menopause. Sorry, you can still do DE/VF or adopt." I was shocked, angry, beyond upset. I was also angry the didn't really investigate a cause as thoroughly as they could have (maybe they would have found my thyroid cancer if they had).

Good luck, sweetie! Sending extra love and hugs to your body!

BTW...One of the main criteria of POF is to not having periods for a year. I don't think you fit that bill from what I've read.

Erin said...

Hey there,

I'm a POFer too. My OB/GYN called me on the telephone late on a Sunday evening to say:

"Sorry I've taken three weeks to get back to you about your results, I've been on vacation... So it appears your in menopause. You can see a specialist, but they'll probably only do donor eggs."

THanks a lot, bitch.

Oh, they suck. I'm glad to find you. Seems there are few of us POF/DORs here. Unfortunately we are among them.

What did your day FSH test at?

Deathstar said...

Have I got an affirmation for you! It's long so I'll email to you. You probably already know this, but sometimes doctors are wrong.

Deathstar said...

Okay, I thought you had an email listed in your profile, but you don't. Would you prefer an email or would you like me to post it here?

bj said...

I just joined the POF club 2 days ago when my doctor gave me the diagnosis. nice to know there are others out there on the blogosphere talking about!

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sami said...

i too joined the pof club. i got diagnosed 2/22/11. the fert dr i went to seemed not real friendly towards my hubb and i. she told us the news and asked if my gyn. ever told me about this (she did kinda over the phone back in nov. but was to upset to remember the day we went to see fert dr.) and i said no. and she was just really rude. i also have premenapause (i am almost 30).d she said that could adopt or that they can do tests/bw and go about doin a egg donor (15-20.000). it isnt worth the emoitional,finncial, mental stress. and 70% isnt good chance of it bein successful.....anyway, just felt like spent not even a half hr of her time and it cost almost 200.00 just to tell us that. and she like didnt say if there was any cure or anything like that....... good artcle/blog. glad to see from not only u but from other postrors/commenters that i am not alone. it stinks. i know u arent supposed to ? god, but idk y good things happen to bad peeps and bad things happen to good peeps. idk......sigh