Letter to my donor

I have some unfinished business I need to settle. For the longest time, I've been putting off writing a letter to my egg donor. You see, I picked her off of an egg donation website, and never actually met her face to face. I feel a little weird about that, and want to express to her that she is so much more than a contractually obligated ovum donor. So I finally drafted a thank you note. (The term thank you note sounds so inferior for such an important letter, doesn't it?) Anyway, here it is, at least a first draft.

Dear XXXXX,

Let me start off this letter by letting you know it is a long time in the making, and I apologize for getting it to you so late. I’ve often sat daydreaming about what exactly it is I wanted to say to you, and how to say it. My name is XXXXX, and last December I was the lucky recipient of two embryos created with your eggs and my husband’s sperm. Today I am six and a half months pregnant with a baby that would not be here without your precious contribution.

When I first saw your profile last summer on XXXX, we were still at a place where my husband and I were dreaming, saving our money, and wondering if we ever would become parents. My journey to motherhood started six and a half long years before that, when I was first told that I had a problem. Strangely enough, I found out about my fertility issues when I was undergoing testing to become an egg donor for someone else (my sister). As you can imagine, those years were fraught with much emotional pain and suffering, as we tried treatment after treatment to get pregnant on our own. It took me a long time to make peace with the fact that egg donation might be the only way to our goal. Looking back now, I wonder why I let myself suffer so long. I am blessed beyond belief to be anxiously awaiting this miracle baby.

You might be wondering what it is that made me pick you. For starters, we have similar ethnic backgrounds. I am half Mexican, and the other half Danish and German. I have curly dark hair, and although it may sound silly, was hoping to find someone who might pass that trait on to my child as well.  I was thrilled when they told me you had already done this successfully before—anything to increase my chances and avoid more heartache. Beyond that, something inside of me just said “this is the one”. It’s such a surreal process, picking your egg donor, and I had to go with my gut.

I imagine it wasn’t totally easy for you, taking all the shots and making every appointment, especially since you had to travel to California. I hope you don’t think me rude for not meeting you face-to-face; it was something I struggled with deciding whether or not to do. In the end I thought it might be awkward for both of us, so I passed on the chance. We plan on being very open with our child about where they came from, so if he or she decides one day to communicate with you or meet you, I hope you would be open to that. Maybe then I could meet you too, and thank you in person.

You may think in donating your eggs that you were just doing a job, and probably glad to have it finished. But I want you to know that I never considered your role in this as that of just some paid attendant. Together, you, myself, and my husband have created a new life; and that to me is something magical, significant, and blessed by God. 

So although the words seem hardly sufficient, thank you for making this all possible. I wish you the very best in life; and trust that in treasuring your own child/children, you will know exactly what this all has meant to me. 

So, what do you all think?