Thursday, January 27, 2011

Ohmigosh!? And also... an update.

I logged into blogger the other day for the first time in a while, and HOLY HELL I have all these new comments! Thank you, LFCA! So if any of you out there are still reading, I just want to say how grateful I am to you for reading, and for congratulating me, and for generally being awesome. Maybe it's the hormones, but I'm feeling a bit verklempt. What would I do without knowing that there exists this amazing army of women in a very similar boat as me, powering thru as proudly and earnestly as they can, at the same time giving me strength thru their struggles? Does that make any sense? If not, cut me some slack because HORMONES. 

On the pregnancy front... today marks the beginning of week 10. WEEK TEN—we're in the double digits, folks! And yet I still have moments where this hasn't quite sunken in yet. According to the experts, my babee is a little over an inch long, the size of a kumquat, and is starting to grow fingernails. At least, that's what today's ultrasound showed. 

Speaking of ultrasounds... there's nothing like seeing that little being actually moving around, heart beating strongly, making himself at home. But afterwards, when the doc prints out the picture? All I see is fuzz. I've had 4 of them now, and each one is like a new rorshach test waiting to be decoded. I show my sister and mother the pics, and they kinda scratch their heads, nod, and politely offer a little "Ahhh...Mmm-hmm". A definite "you had to be there" moment.  

Case in point: Ultrasound #2. It sorta looks baby-ish, if you squint and rotate your head 10 degrees. But when I go back and look at it, I'm just reminded of a certain 80s video game. 

I'm thinking I shouldn't have played so much Attari in my youth. 

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

I don't know how to write this post.

Trying to get pregnant for six and a half years can really take its toll on a woman's life. There was a time once when I felt nothing but hope and possibility with every new doctor, treatment, or supplement I tried. But time and repeated failure have a way of hardening you, of making you immune to faith and belief.  

Which is why, even after 2 successful betas and 2 subsequent ultrasounds, I'm still having a hard time believing that I am pregnant.

I am pregnant.